In between worlds

The last few days in Vancouver before our flight to Shanghai felt like a crazy whirlwind. In an unexpected turn of events, we received an email the day of our flight informing us essentially that my husband could not fly. We scrambled to confirm with various people that myself and our three kids would still be allowed to enter China without him as our visas depended on his. Before we knew it, we were at the YVR airport checking in. Exhausted and stressed out, we hastily said our goodbyes and got in line to pass through security. Almost 24 hours later, we arrived at our quarantine hotel in Shanghai.

Though to many, this time in quarantine is an unwelcomed inconvenience, this time for me is a gift from above. I need sleep. I need recovery. I need to hit the reset button. This past month, I’ve been so busy packing and dealing with administrative tasks that I have not had enough time to prepare emotionally.

Stepping into my quarantine room and closing that door to the world, I finally had permission to digest the fact that I was here without my husband, and to grieve all the things that I am leaving behind, while looking to the future with all my hopes and dreams.

And so, I started journaling again. Having recently gone through the process of digitizing all my old journals, re-reading entries about falling in love, getting married, moving overseas, having my first child, and so on, I have come to realize again just how good it is to journal. I was beginning to see how each event doesn’t just shape me to become who I am today, but also sets me on a path to who I want to be tomorrow.

My goal during quarantine is to take advantage of this time in between worlds, to ponder the unanswered questions of my life, and to intentionally process through the good and the bad parts of me and see what I can learn. It will take time and courage, but I believe it will be time well spent. May I come out of this time stronger, healthier, and in a place to give more of myself to others.

We ourselves are “saved to save” – we are made to give – to let everything go if only we may have more to give. The pebble takes in the rays of the light that falls on it, but the diamond flashes them out again: every little facet is means, not simply of drinking more in, but of giving more out.

L. Trotter